Last night I baited rat poison about the kitchen in a final desperate attempt to quell a rising epidemic, and woke up this morning to find every last little pink pellet licked away. I feel terrible. Horrible. Sick-to-my-insides guilty. It wasn't like they ever did anything to hurt us; I was only getting tired of the morning cleanup. And now . . . murderer. I will never forgive myself.
Though it is entirely possible that such nausea has nothing to do with my mouse massacre but is rather the combination of the many side effects of life's most recent stresses, being, in this order:
1. Mbak Mitin, our best—and only—investigator moving to Surabaya.
2. Marno packing up to pulang kampung in all of only 6 days from tomorrow.
and
3. Me becoming finally and officially Senior Companion and also, oh, Trainer.
Even with last month's false alarm I was not ready for this call. I mean it makes all sorts of sense, what with Marno's impending release and the inevitable open space in Malang. But when President called late Friday night to inform us we'd need to be at the Air Force Base by noon the next day to pick up the new sister . . . well, maybe we panicked a little. And not just because we were looking forward to having a hotel room all to ourselves this weekend in Surabaya. That was, selfishly, a major factor, but nothing compared to the paralyzing waves of inadequacy (Please see email of 11 Agustus 2010. All emotions still apply.).
Not that there was much we could do about anything at all. We tidied the house a bit, mopped the floors, spilled all our deepest, darkest secrets in a final companionship curhat (this is a good JakSlang term to know; it means to pour out the contents of your heart). We woke up, called a taxi, and sat out to wait along the tarmac with sick stomachs and overactive imaginations. "This is a good sign," Marno insisted. "If we weren't worried, she'd be horrible. But since we kind of feel like throwing up, she'll be awesome."
Which as irrational as it was turned out to be true. Sister Nababan skipped off the plane with a happy hello and hugged me while bringing tidings of great joy from Elder Kershrikshrik in Hong Kong. She's a tall, strong-boned Batak* with an open, fierce sort of beauty and hard eyes. She grew up in Medan, graduated in French from a Bandung University, worked two years speaking Mandarin in Taiwan and the last six speaking English with a Canadian family in Hong Kong. She was in Noah's International Branch, and after looking at me for a long moment said, "You're Slovenian too, aren't you? Your eyes are the same." She is smart, strong-willed, and more culture shocked upon her return to Indonesia than I ever was arriving here in the first place. Occasionally this has made me want to scream but I am trying to be a good and patient trainer, even if this has mostly meant I'm on constant catastrophe control—my already über-sensitive tact meter on overdrive as I try to regulate lessons and contacting with a Batak at my side. Maybe I shouldn't be so anxious? But sheesh, those Sumatrans don't know a compliment from a criticism. Dangerous stuff amidst the fragile souls of Java (and I won't pretend I don't tend to take things all too personally, too).
Notwithstanding, together our trio has had some really—and unexpectedly—good lessons this week. I am learning yet again the promised blessing that when called you are qualified and I have felt an external and eternal strength these last few days as I face a task I feel so utterly unprepared for. The Spirit has been stronger, my vision clearer, even my Indonesian is better and I have to be careful not to fall into the false thinking that all this comes of my own accord. The Lord has really blessed us in His work and through this transition and while I am sure these last two months will be the most difficult of my mission, I'm equally certain they'll be the best.
Monday night Pak Purwitanto prayed out loud for the first time in twenty-plus years. Yesterday Ibu Novi accepted our testimonies of the Book of Mormon and expressed the desire to seek a testimony of her own. Tomorrow we are off to Surabaya to learn how we can better love and serve the people we've been assigned to shepherd here in Malang. It is a soul-stretching and marvelous life to live, and I am grateful to my God who has given me so great an opportunity to live it.
The Church is true, and I love you. December can't come fast enough and yet will, of course, come all too fast. Strange, that.
selalu,
Sister E.
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